Guys are clueless. Being a guy for the majority of my life (nearly crying at the end of The Notebook made me a woman for about 3 minutes), I understand that we have absolutely no idea how to make women fall in love...or even keep them happy for that matter. At any given time, men typically have 1 of 3 things on their mind: having sex, food, or doing things that might eventually lead to having sex or getting food. Women, however, seem to have lots of other activity taking place in their minds. For thousands of year, men have tried to invent machines, psychological manipulations, and a plethora of other techniques to try and explore the inner workings of a woman's brain. All have been unsuccessful.
That's where I come in.
Last week, my girlfriend decided to throw a toaster at my head. She then threw me out of my apartment, left all of my belongings on the porch, and made me sleep in the pouring rain. Don't believe me? Good....because it didn't happen. Why did it not happen, you ask? Because I think I've found a couple of fool-proof tricks to make women happy (even if it's only temporary). Here is a list of things that might help you in your relationship:
- If you notice the last slice of pizza has a hair on it, quickly take the hair off and offer the pizza to her. She'll think that you're the nicest guy in the world (if she never saw the hair)....and you don't have to eat pizza fro.
- Pee in the sink. This may seem a little awkward at first, but if you avoid using the toilet, she will never yell at you again for leaving the seat up. Peace in the toilet bowl valley.
- Snoop through her apartment or personal space. Since men usually overreact and try to cover up any evidence of an intrusion, she will return to a near-spotless place every time. Meanwhile, you get to be seen as a gentleman who appreciates cleanliness.
- Hang out all of her friends...even when she's not around! Create an atmosphere of nostalgia by inviting them over for a slumber party and reminding your girlfriend/wife of her childhood adventures!
If you stick to the advice above...I will continue to look like an amazing boyfriend! Thanks for the help ;^ )
